i really really really dont know what to say. its really soothing to talk to suet, with her calming voice in your ear while you are somewhat freaking out over why your files refuse to zip and ZOMG DISAPPEAR.
but i digress.
i feel really really stupid, because what she said about our batch really made me see things that i think i noticed, but i blocked out. because i couldnt take it, and i didnt want to realise it. i realised that attitidude and passion ISNT everything, and just because you are all committed to it doesnt make you a good batch. you need talent. i really really thought that we could make this year's concert busking. we put in SO MUCH, and it was so tiring. we gave so much, but we have nothing. i feel so stupid because actually at the end it was only eliza and i who wanted concert busking. i really really thought we could do it. and i now i know why we couldnt.
rawr i feel really confused now because what i am saying now doesnt make much sense. if i had an lj, i would make this a cut, so people do not read if you do not want to be more freaked out at sam's weirdness and incapability to sort things out clearly. sometimes, i think suet knows me muchmuch better than i know myself. and that is so scary because that is NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
the cat obsession began to take roots at the beginning of the year? WHOA THAT IS SCARY. and it might be deeper than i thought. i thought it only officially started after AMC with mish.
gah. gah. gah. i really really really. dont know what to say.
as for choir and how its changed; well i dont know its not a THING you can describe, like oh choir has now sprouted two more growths or something. its a feeling, and feelings are hard to describe.
but is it just me, or doesnt the choir seem more dead? its so.. different. RAWR! its scary. i dont know. but choir just doesnt seem safe anymore, like choir is being less and less the haven i retreat into 3 times a week. somehow i get the feeling something big is going to happen, and the feeling aint good.
and she told me that cat is only human and she makes mistakes. hmm i thought she was hinting at something else, so WHEW.
i really really miss talking to suet though. its just really nice to talk relaxedly with someone, going off tangent all the time for one and half hours. (: i love you suet.
ZOMG but after that i dreamt it was farewell, except in the co room. and cat started crying, and mish asked me to take a photo, and i said no thats just mean AND SHE STARTED CRYING and i started crying and then when i walked out of the co room after farewell everyone came up to me and BURNED ME. it was so freaky!
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zomg yesterday after speech day rehearsal, i started obsessing about cat again, and guiqi said," sam, do you pray to cat every night?"
we must have looked so stupid listening to a CAMERA. but the recording sounds surprisingly good at home. and no the video is not up yet. BLAME YOUTUBE. now only i can enjoy cat's cuteness. I RUB. I RUB.
but i digress.
i feel really really stupid, because what she said about our batch really made me see things that i think i noticed, but i blocked out. because i couldnt take it, and i didnt want to realise it. i realised that attitidude and passion ISNT everything, and just because you are all committed to it doesnt make you a good batch. you need talent. i really really thought that we could make this year's concert busking. we put in SO MUCH, and it was so tiring. we gave so much, but we have nothing. i feel so stupid because actually at the end it was only eliza and i who wanted concert busking. i really really thought we could do it. and i now i know why we couldnt.
rawr i feel really confused now because what i am saying now doesnt make much sense. if i had an lj, i would make this a cut, so people do not read if you do not want to be more freaked out at sam's weirdness and incapability to sort things out clearly. sometimes, i think suet knows me muchmuch better than i know myself. and that is so scary because that is NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
the cat obsession began to take roots at the beginning of the year? WHOA THAT IS SCARY. and it might be deeper than i thought. i thought it only officially started after AMC with mish.
gah. gah. gah. i really really really. dont know what to say.
as for choir and how its changed; well i dont know its not a THING you can describe, like oh choir has now sprouted two more growths or something. its a feeling, and feelings are hard to describe.
but is it just me, or doesnt the choir seem more dead? its so.. different. RAWR! its scary. i dont know. but choir just doesnt seem safe anymore, like choir is being less and less the haven i retreat into 3 times a week. somehow i get the feeling something big is going to happen, and the feeling aint good.
and she told me that cat is only human and she makes mistakes. hmm i thought she was hinting at something else, so WHEW.
i really really miss talking to suet though. its just really nice to talk relaxedly with someone, going off tangent all the time for one and half hours. (: i love you suet.
ZOMG but after that i dreamt it was farewell, except in the co room. and cat started crying, and mish asked me to take a photo, and i said no thats just mean AND SHE STARTED CRYING and i started crying and then when i walked out of the co room after farewell everyone came up to me and BURNED ME. it was so freaky!
----------------------------------
zomg yesterday after speech day rehearsal, i started obsessing about cat again, and guiqi said," sam, do you pray to cat every night?"
we must have looked so stupid listening to a CAMERA. but the recording sounds surprisingly good at home. and no the video is not up yet. BLAME YOUTUBE. now only i can enjoy cat's cuteness. I RUB. I RUB.
Sam (: - 8/09/2006 04:17:00 PM